you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
