Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Randomize
