thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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