I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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