you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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