Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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