woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
it glows. i had to have it.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
