if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
