I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
