You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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