Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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