girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
