Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize