I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
