I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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