They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
