I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
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