Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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