I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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