Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
