and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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