Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize