This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
