Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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