I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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