If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
