I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
