her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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