If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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