I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
