yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
