In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you didnt know i had herpes?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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