Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
