you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
