yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
