Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize