i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Who died my cat blue again?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
