Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I will be naked everywhere
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
