If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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