Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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