my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
