There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
