Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize