It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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