I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
