Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
