I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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