I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize