I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
