I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
