I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
