I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
