you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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