i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
