I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
