You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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