remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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