So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
