So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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