just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize