I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Randomize
