My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
