I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
