I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
