I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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