Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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