By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
