I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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