dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
