Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize