Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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