Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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