if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Your shirt... Was in my pants
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
