could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
