You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
