You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
