You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
