also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You dont lie about slip and slides
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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