Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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