So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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