I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
