Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
