My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
