I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
