Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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