All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
