Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Randomize
