I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
