Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
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