after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
