totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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