Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
