and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
