Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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