I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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