Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
