U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
