peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Alive.
So much puke
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
