it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
