He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
