Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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